Desperately Wanting
by Ed chan
Summary: Taichi has found out that Sora has been diagnosed with cancer. While Sora is dealing with the chemotherapy, Taichi is worried for his best friend and is having flashbacks of their childhood... Part song-fic.
1. Chapter One

"Sora? Sora honey, are you alright?"

"…Leave me alone, mom."

"But you have a visitor. Don't you want to see them?"

"I don't care. Tell them to go back home. I don't want to talk to anyone."

Mrs. Takenouchi sighed. "I know this is doesn't seem good right now but—"

"I said leave me alone!" Sora screamed at her mother. Mrs. Takenouchi backed away from her daughter's bedroom door and turned to the brown haired boy standing beside her.

"I'm sorry, Taichi. Sora hasn't been in her best spirits lately. You can try to talk to her if you want. Maybe she will calm down more around you." He nodded and walked towards the door and tapped on it lightly while Mrs. Takenouchi left the hallway.

"Hey. Is everything alright, Sora?" There was no answer.

"Sora?"

"Go away. I'm not in the mood for talking."

"Come on; please tell me what is going on?" Again, there wasn't an answer. But he heard footsteps coming towards the bedroom door and it being unlocked. Taichi knew this was the un-social way of saying 'Fine, you can come in.' He slowly opened the door and crept inside. Sora had returned to her bed, her face buried in a pillow. Taichi leaned against the wall. "Um…One of the teachers said you weren't going to be around for a while. I just came by to see why." Taichi sat down on the edge of her bed and shook her arm gently. "Is everything alright?" Sora pulled the pillow away from her face and shook her head. Sora's eyes were red and surrounded with black smudges from eye makeup most likely. And on her end table and saw tissues with the same kind of black smudges. Taichi stared at her.

"You have been crying, haven't you?" Sora looked blankly at him, then smiled cheerfully at him, to cover up the fact that she had been crying.

"No. What makes you say that?" Taichi grabbed a used tissue with the wiped off eye make up on it and a mirror, which was under the tissue mountain. Sora sat up and took the tissue in her hand, the mirror in the other. She took a glance at her self, then pulled it away quickly. Her eyes began to look watery.

"Oh," was the only thing she managed to croak out. Taichi put his hand on her shoulder and stared with concerned eyes.

"Tell me, what's going on?" Sora hugged her pillow tightly and didn't look at him.

"I'm just not feeling well at all." She muttered. Taichi nodded, but he was convinced that wasn't the whole truth. He looked at her again, and noticed a beanie she was wearing snuggly on her head.

"Isn't that the beanie I got you on your 14th birthday?" he asked. She looked a little shocked.

"Yes…it is."

"Wow I didn't think you'd everywhere it. Can I see it?" he said, his hand reaching out for it. Sora turned at him quickly and pulled her beanie down tightly.

"Oh c'mon! I want to try it on!" he said, trying to grab for it again. Sora blocked his arm from coming any closer and the other hand onto of her head.

"Knock it off, Tai!"

"What's the big deal? You got a bad haircut or something?" Sora's eyes now looked enraged with anger.

"Taichi I said stop!" she screamed. Taichi immediately pulled his hands away. Sora's eyes began to soften and she put her fingers over her lips. "I'm sorry, Taichi…I didn't mean to scream out at you like that. I…I just…" Tears started to roll down her cheek. Taichi didn't know what to say. He reached his arms out to her, and slowly pulled her into a hug. Sora stopped crying and he rested his chin on the top of her head.

"Please, Sora…Tell me what is upsetting you…" Sora looked down and pulled herself out of his arms. She clenched her eyes.

"Okay…I'll show you." She took a deep breath and pulled the beanie off her head. The brown haired boy couldn't believe what he saw once she had removed her cap. All of her hair, her short auburn hair, was now gone. Sora felt tears trying to leave her eyes.

"How…How did this happen?" Sora looked away from him.

"My hair fell out." She bit her lip. "The chemo…made it fall out." Taichi felt as if his heart just stopped.

"…Chemo?" Sora nodded her head. She turned back to Taichi, her eyes now flowing with tears again. She leaned over and hugged Taichi tightly and sobbed onto his shoulder. "What am I going to do, Taichi-kun?" she cried. "I am so scared…I may still die." She gripped onto his shirt and began to cry harder. Taichi rubbed her back to calm her down. He then hugged his best friend back tightly. Everything she just said was so surprising to him. And seeing her, depressed and afraid for her life; it was very new to him. Sora always seemed to be such a cheerful and brave girl, not afraid of anything. Even 10 or 11 years ago, she wasn't afraid of monsters in her closet or being sucked down the drain when she took a bath, things most five-year-olds are afraid of. But his classmate, his best friend, the girl who always challenged him to a soccer match, the same girl who he has known since they were both in high chairs and diapers, had been diagnosed with cancer. And even if she started taking chemo, she still has a chance of dying. The thought of it made him uneasy.

"I don't want you to die, Sora…" he whispered. He held her closer to him. Sora felt a few wet drops that had fallen on her head. She glanced up, only to see that Taichi was crying too.

"Taichi…" she muttered, beginning to sob harder. He rested his head on hers and let his tears flow down and fall onto her. _This isn't fair_, he thought to himself. _Why is she being taken away from me?_

They sat without a sound, clinging together for support. Taichi didn't need to give her comforting words of advice or tell her to be strong, this moment they shared filled in the blanks. Sora wiped the tears trickling down her cheek and pulled herself out of Taichi's arms. She gave a soft smile.

"You should probably go home now," she whispered. He stared deep into her red eyes and nodded.

"Okay. But if you ever need me to talk and stuff…Y'know, call," Taichi said. Sora nodded too.

"I will." Taichi stood up from her bed and left her small bedroom, gently shutting the door behind him.

Minutes later, he stepped inside his own house, taking off his shoes and heading up to his room. His mother was in the kitchen cooking dinner and humming a tune while she stirred water in the pot. She gave him a glance the moment after she heard the front door slam shut.

"You're home later than usual. What have you been up to?" she asked him.

"Nothing. I just went to visit a friend."

"Hm…Sora I'm guessing?"

"Yeah. She wasn't in school today."

"Is she sick?"

Taichi didn't respond at first. "Yeah," he choked out. "Really sick."

"Oh that's too bad. Next time you see her tell her I hope she gets better. Maybe you can go over and give her some of my homemade soup."

"It's not the stomach flu, mom."

"Oh, then what does she have?" Taichi stared down at the floor.

"…I have to go and do homework…" Taichi walked out of the living room and down the hallway. Mrs. Yagami shrugged and resumed to cooking. As soon as Taichi entered his room, he went over and flopped onto his soft bed. His mind became busy with thoughts a memories. All of them about Sora. But one memory was most distinct to him.

They were about four years old at the time. They had been brought to the park together and were running around the swing area. Mrs. Yagami and Mrs. Takenouchi were sitting on a bench near by, watching the little Hikari incase she did something cute. Taichi was begin a gentleman and pushing Sora on the swings and Sora kept asking him to make her go higher. When he did though, he pushed on her back too hard, making her stumble forward and fall flat on her face in the sand. She didn't start crying. Sora just lifted herself from the sand and dusted off her hands and knees, still as happy as ever. She was used to it by now. You could tell by looking at her. She had peeling off band aids on her face and elbows, her knees scrapped up, hands and knees dirtied up. She wasn't exactly a graceful little girl.

"Are you okay?" Taichi asked, frantically looking back and forth between Sora and the bench where their mothers were chatting and hoping he wouldn't get in trouble. Sora gave a wide grin and gave a big nod.

"Yup! I'm fine!" she shrieked. Taichi gave a sigh of relief.

"But how could ya be? You just fell."

"I know, but I just am," she answered, starting to spin around in circles to entertain herself.

"Isn't it scary though?"

"Nope! I'm not scared of anything."

"Really? Nothing?" Taichi asked in amazement. Sora crossed her arms and smirked, proud of herself.

"Thas right. I'm not scared of anything!"

Taichi gasped. "Well, what about spiders?"

"Nope, not afraid of 'em."

"Whatta 'bout monsters?"

"Not afraid of those either." Sora gave a wide grin at Taichi.

"I know! What about broccoli?" Taichi asked.

"Nope, I even _like_ it." Taichi began to think of more scary things.

"Well…what about dying?" Sora thought for a moment then looked and him, smiling still.

"Not even dying. 'Cause I know I'm going to go to a bewtiful place in the clouds when I die. I just have to be good. Well, that's what my mommy says."

"Wow…" Taichi said in astonishment. "You really aren't afraid of anything."

"And I never will be. I'm the bravest girl in the world!" Sora yelled, then giggling after. She ran back up to the swings and climbed on. "Now start pushing me again!" Taichi nodded and ran up behind her to give her a push.

Her words raced through his mind. _I am so scared…I may still die... _When did she become so afraid? Why did everything have to change, and become so terribly wrong? He missed those days they shared. Playing in the grass, being so carefree. But they didn't know about the evils that lay ahead. Taichi curled his hand up into a fist and punched his pillow hard. A single tear rolled down his soft cheek.

_Please…be strong Sora… Be strong and be brave…_


	2. Chapter Two

Sora leisurely strolled through the threshold of the dining room, glancing over to the small table where her father was seated and her mother standing near, supplying bowls. She dropped her shoulders and walked over, taking a seat by her father. Mr. Takenouchi smiled warmly at her as she was settled in her seat, but she didn't notice him. Her eyes were focused down in front of her, where a bowl of miso was placed. Mrs. Takenouchi sat down in front of her husband and daughter, she also smiling cheerfully and enjoying having dinner with the whole family. No one spoke. Mr. and Mrs. Takenouchi had started to eat, but Sora continued to stare down at her bowl.

"Your hair looks nice today, Sora," Mr. Takenouchi said reluctantly. Sora glanced up at her father as she ran her fingers through hair that was once someone else's.

"Thank you. It's new," she whispered, and she redirected her gaze to a strand of hair. It was a bit brighter than her natural auburn hair. But it was they closest match she and Mimi found at the wig store. Mimi cut it to make the wig look more like Sora's, but it wasn't quite the same. Oh well, it was better than nothing.

"Sora, eat your soup. It is going to get cold, and I made it especially for you," her mother said, in a stern but gentle tone.

"I'm not hungry," Sora muttered weakly.

"You need to eat, Sora. You are getting too skinny from barely eating anything."

It was true. She had lost a lot of weight since she had started chemo. But she didn't feel like eatting. It made her nauseous.

"Please. Try to eat. You really need it to function properly." she said.

_Feh. As if I'm functioning properly anyways_, Sora thought, but she didn't have the nerve to say it aloud to her mother.

Mrs Takenouchi sighed. "I know the chemo is hard on you but you still need too..."

Sora raised her head and narrowed her eyes at her mother. "Really? How do _you _know? Do you have cancer?" Mrs. Takenouchi opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again, pressing her lips together tightly.

"No, you don't. Because if you did, you would know that I can't eat. You would know a lot more about how sick I'm feeling..." Sora stood up and turned her back to her parents. "So, please excuse me." She walked out of the room and into her bedroom, angrily slamming the door and locking it behind her. She pressed her back to the door and slid down, hugging her arms around her folded legs. Sora could hear murmurs from the dining room. Probably her father trying to consol his wife. Sora layed her head down at the tops of her knees. She noticed a picture faced down on her floor. Sora crawled over to it on her knees and lifted it up, her eyes scanning the photograph. It was of her, Taichi and Mimi. It was taken early last summer, or the summer before that. She couldn't remember. The three of them were sitting on the grass with their arms hooked around each other's shoulders. Sora closed her eyes, and tried to remember that day.

Their families and a few others were having a large picnic in the park. Sora, Taichi and Mimi had left the large crowd of people and sprawled out on a nice grassy area, where they remained and talked throughout most of the day. Taichi's mother came over there and asked to take a picture of them.

Taichi laughed. "Why, mom? You probably already have tons of pictures of the three of us together."

"I'm doing this for you. If you take a picture from today, you may look at it years from now and you will remember the fun you had," Mrs. Yagami said, smiling and holidng up the camara again.

"Fine," Sora said. They all sat up and Mrs. Yagami took the picture. When the pictures where developed, she gave each of them a copy.

Sora understood now what Mrs. Yagami meant. The photograph reminded her of all the past times the three of them spent together, and reminded her of all the outtings she was now missing out on. They still called her up and asked her if she wanted to go somewhere, but she didn't feel like going out anymore. Sometimes she would go just to please her friends once in a while. But she wanted to be with them again, to be happy and have fun. She missed seeing Mimi and Taichi everyday at school.

_School..., _she thought. She had taken a lot of time off from school since it had all started. She kept up on the assignments that were sent home, but it wasn't the same as actually being there. She actually missed being there during the days, and practicing tennis afterwards. She had to give up playing tennis on the school team once the chemo started. It had been awhile since her last treatment, maybe she felt well enough to go again. _Yes_, she thought. _I'll go back, next Monday._

The next had come around quickly it seemed. Monday morning at school, Taichi was transitioning from one class to another, when someone meekly called out his name.

"Taichi."

The noise from the crowds of students hide her voice. She tried to call out to him louder.

"Taichi."

Taichi, hearing his name this time, stopped and peaked over his shoulder, surprised to see who was standing behind him. "Sora?"

She nodded and walked over beside him. "I decided I wanted to come to school today," she said quietly. Taichi smiled. There was something a bit different about her from the last time he saw her.

"Your hair..." he whispered. He stared at it for a while, then looked into her eyes. "Does that mean...Are you...?"

Sora could see where he was heading. "Oh. No," she said. She moved her wig back and forth, to show him it wasn't her own.

Taichi smiled weakly, but his heart sank at the sight. "Oh. I see."

"Mimi didn't tell you?"

Taichi shrugged. "I guess not." Mimi and Taichi never discussed anything about Sora's disease. It pained them too much to mention it. They walked side by side in silence.

"Hey, my class is this way, so I've got to go now," Taichi said. Of course, Sora knew that. They had walked together to each other's classes before. But she nodded. "See you at lunch?" he asked her.

"Sure," she replyed, giving him a half-smile. He smiled at back and waved goodbye as they both headed for different classrooms. Sora stopped, and watched Taichi dissapear into the crowded hallway. Sora suddenly felt disappointed after their departure. She had been expecting things to be as they had always been when they had walked together. They used to walk and joke but now...they stayed in silence. _I don't know why I thought things would return the way it was_, she thought. _Nothing has been quite the same. _She frowned and turned away.

A few class periods later, Sora was sitting at a cafeteria table with Taichi, Mimi and Koishiro picking the lunch she had packed for herself that morning. Koishiro was joking about something that happened in his last class and the three of them were laughing. Sora just sat and watched them all with a blank expression. She shifted her elbows on the table and bumped into her drink, causing it to tip over and spill. She jumped up and set it upright, but it had already run off the table and down the side of her leg.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"It was just an accident. I'll go get some napkins," Mimi said, standing up. She left and came back with a little stack on napkins and they dabbed the table dry.

"Thanks, Mimi," Sora said, smiling gently.

"No problem. But you better go and clean yourself up too," Mimi said, pointing at on of Sora's legs. Sora looked down at her leg and nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be right back." She started to leave, but she paused to say something. "Oh, and you guys can help yourself to my lunch. I'm probably not going to eat it anyways." She turned her back to them again and headed towards the hallway leading to the washroom. In the girls washroom, she snatched herself a paper towel from the dispenser and ran cool water on it. Hastily, she scrubbed at her skirt end and wiped away the residue of her drink on her leg. She tossed her rag away and slipped out of the room and back into the halls. She passed a cluster of students on her way back to the cafeteria, and caught the eye of a blonde guy. He struggled to emerge from the group but made it into the hallway where he could now be seen clearly.

"Sora?" he called out behind her, sounding uncertain. She glanced behind her to see who was speaking to her.

"Yamato?"

He grinned and they walked towards each other and hugged. "How have you been?"

She shrugged. "I could be better. And you?"

"I've been alright," he answered as they pulled out of the hug. "Where are you headed?"

"I'm going back to the caferteria," she said, pointing down the hall, as if he didn't know where it was.

"Mind if I accompany you on your trip?" he asked, grinning. Sora laughed and glanced over to the group of people he was once with, looking at her confusedly.

"What about your friends?"

He glimpsed over his shoulder at them, then returned his eyes to Sora. "They can wait, I haven't talked to you in a while." Sora shrugged again and they began to saunter down the hallway. "It's about time you've come back. Where have you been anyways?"

Sora remained silent for a moment, biting her lip. "I've been really sick."

"Are you better now?"

"I'm a little better than I have been lately. But it's been...on and off." she said. They came upon the cafeteria door, and Yamato pushed it open for her. She smiled and walked through with him following.

"What did you have?"

Sora opened her mouth, but she couldn't lie to Yamato. Instead, she closed her mouth and did not speak.

"Sora," he said, looking down into her eyes. "You are lying, aren't you?"

She sighed. "I'm not lying...exactly. It's more personal then you think."

"Aww come on," he said, grinning and pulling her into a playful headlock. "You can tell me anything." As he told her this he rubbed his knuckles against her head and ruffled up her hair. She laughed quietly, until she felt something slip off of her head. She had forgetten. That hair was not her own. She and Yamato became frozen, and the room seemed to be as well. Yamato's eye widened and he stuttered out. "Sora...I'm sorr...I didn't know that..." Her cheeks reddened brightly and she quickly picked up her fallen wig and reset it on her head. She dashed away from the dumbstruck Yamato, her vision blurry and her hand tightly clamped over her mouth. Mimi had seen what happened from their table.

"Sora!" she yelped as she dashed out of the room. She leaped up and scampered after her. She found Sora curled up against a wall in the abandoned hallway, her face buried in her legs she had pulled closely to herself. Mimi leaned against the wall and slid down beside her. She caressed her back as she let out her soft hiccuping sobs.

"Now everyone knows," Sora choked out.

"I doubt many people say what happened. Don't worry about it."

Sora lifted her face and layed her head against Mimi's shoulder. "I feel sick again. I want to go home..." she said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

Mimi gave her a paining smile. "Alright," she whispered. They both stood up and gave each other a friendly hug before she departed. Mimi returned to the cafeteria and sat back down with Taichi and Koishiro.

"Mimi, what happened?" Koishiro asked concernedly.

She ran her hands through her hair and rested her hand on her cheek. "Sora was with Yamato I guess and he was messing with her hair and...it fell off. Now Sora left to go home." Taichi's eyes clouded over with fear for Sora, then with anger. Taichi shot up from the table and headed for where Yamato was seated.

"Taichi, don't. He didn't mean it," Mimi told him sternly, but he didn't hear. Taichi crept towards the table where Yamato had settled himself. He stood across the table, his eyes narrowed at him in rage.

"How could you do that to her?" Taichi questioned in an icy voice. Yamato raised his head to gaze at him.

"Taichi, I-"

"Don't you know much she has to put up with now? How afraid she must be?" he interupted. "I can't believe you."

"I didn't mean to do that to her. It was an accident, I swear," Yamato said in defense. "I didn't even know that this was happening to her." Taichi eyes began to soften. "Look, I really am sorry. If I had only known..."

"Don't tell me, tell her."

"How?"

"Tell her in person," he said. Taichi thought for a moment. "Come with me after school, and we'll go to see her."

Sora slipped her shoes off at the front door and entered inside her house. Her mother, hearing the front door close, put down her book and got up to see who was there.

"Sora? What are you doing home so early? School shouldn't be out yet."

"I felt sick so they sent me home," Sora answered monotonously.

"I see," Mrs Takenouchi said. "Oh, Sora, the doctor called and told me that it was about time you had another treatment."

Her eyes widened in horror. "Already?" she asked quietly. Before Mrs. Takenouchi could say anything else, Sora shook her head left to go to her room. She flopped onto her bed and began to cry again. _Why? Why do I have to go through with this? Why can't this be over? _she thought as she tightly hugged her pillow. _I can't go through another treatment. I want it to be over. I just want everything...everything to be over. _Her mind clouded with poisoning thoughts, repeating over and over. _I'd rather die, right now, then go through with this any longer..._

Mrs. Takenouchi tapped on her door.

"I'm going out to run some errands. I'll be back in a couple hours, okay?"

"Alright."

"Just lock the door after I leave." A few minutes later, she heard the front door slam shut. Sora waited a few minutes to make sure she didn't come back inside, and she walked from her bedroom to her mother's bathroom. She openned the medicine chest and searched through the bottles of various pills, until she found what she was looking for. She lifted up a container of sleeping piles that her mother used once in a while, so it shouldn't be empty yet. She opened up the container, her mind chanting _I'd rather die, right now, then go through with this any longer_, over and over...

There was a loud knock at the front door. Taichi and Yamato waited a minute or two before knocking again. There was no answer.

"Are you sure she is home?" Yamato asked.

"She should be. Her shoes are here." Taichi pounded on the door harder. "Sora! Open up!" They waited. Once again, no answer.

"Try the door."

Taichi runned the knob, surprised to find it unlocked and creaked it open slightly. "Should we go in?"

"I don't see why not. She's not answering so we might as well let ourselves in." They noiselessly walked in together into the dark house. The house was eerily silent. "I really don't think anyone is home." Yamato said, starting to head towards the kitchen area.

Taichi looked down the hallway and saw a light spilling out into the hallway. He walked closer to the door, feeling something was not quite right about her not coming to the door. His feet hit something on the floor. He leaned down and picked it up. A bottle of sleeping tablets, empty. He gently pushed the bathroom door open.

"Sora...?" Taichi said softly, glancing around. His eyes skimmed across something huddled on the floor. "Oh god--Yamato!"

Yamato rushed to the hallway where Taichi stood, quivering. "Taichi, what happened? Why did you yell?"

Taichi showed him the empty pill bottle. "Call an ambulence right now."


End file.
